Mary Potter Year 4 Preview - Lily Evans
by LeighaGreene
Summary: This is from the same world as my fem!Harry (Mary) Potter story, and takes place in Year 4 - Mary's first Occlumency lesson. I've been reading Marauder fics lately and wanted to share it. When (if) I ever get around to publishing the rest of Year 4 of the Mary Potter series (and yes, I am working on Year 2 now), I'll remove this, since a version of it will be included there.


This is from the same world as my Mary Potter story, and takes place in Year 4 - Mary's first Occlumency lesson. I've been reading Marauder fics lately and wanted to share it. When (if) I ever get around to publishing the rest of Year 4 of the Mary Potter series (and yes, I am working on Year 3 now), I'll remove this, since a version of it will be included there.

This one-shot has been revised as of Nov. 2015 to be consistent with the memories seen in 'The Prince's Tale' in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Much as I enjoy my version of the train scene, all of this happened long before I started messing with canon... I've messed with the ages a bit, under the assumption that Harry is and unreliable narrator who is A) in shock and B) not particularly good at judging the ages of young children in that chapter.

* * *

"Enter!"

"Good evening, sir."

"Mary Elizabeth. Have a seat."

"So…" Mary said, "Occlumency."

"Yes," Professor Snape said, peering over his steepled fingers at her from across his desk. "Occlumency. Did you read the books I recommended?"

"I… skimmed them." She had, actually, read them, but she knew from years of potions experience that what Snape considered "reading" was really more like "memorizing." She had the main points. Snape raised an eyebrow, so she began to report. "Occlumency is magic that is used to hide information and keep other people out of your mind. Legilimency is magic that is used to invade other people's minds to find information and… I'm not really sure what else. Basically mind reading, I guess."

"It is nothing so simple as muggle _mind reading_. It is not as though your thoughts are written out on some endless scroll to be read off like an essay. The distinctions between muggle fantasy and actual magic may be subtle, but do not let them elude you."

Snape's sarcasm was somewhat less impressive when you _knew_ he didn't actually hate you, Mary reflected.

"Umm… right. I didn't actually think it was _that_ simple, sir. But anyway, there are several main strategies for occluding," she recited, "clearing your mindscape, so that there is nothing for the legilimens to discover, is generally considered the easiest. You can also focus on a specific thought or train of thoughts, which will lead away from the information the legilimens is seeking, or… the last one sounded kind of like you just pretend whatever it is that you're trying to hide doesn't exist? It didn't really make sense. The example was trying not to think of a pink elephant, right? So with the first one, you just try not to think of anything at all, and the second one, you try to think really hard of something else, maybe by starting with a grey elephant, then moving to circus, and clown and makeup and whatever. But the third one was just… don't think of a pink elephant." Mary made a face. "I didn't really get it."

"Most students don't. And the 'three strategies' you mentioned are really all one strategy, avoidance. This is the simplest branch of the art of Occlumency. You start out learning to clear your mind of all thoughts and emotions. This is very important, as emotions are easily used against you since they link to so many different memories. You must control your thoughts and emotional state in order to _direct_ your thoughts, which is the second step, thinking deliberately of one thing which is _not_ the information you are trying to hide, and from there, a chain of related ideas, none of which are the pink elephant. The idea is to deliberately dissociate a piece of information from all of your other thought processes, to the point where you can maintain an entire, coherent identity and all of your normal thought patterns, lacking only that crucial piece of information."

"Okay. That sounds… not quite as impossible as when Hermione explained it."

"And what does Miss Granger know about it?"

"She said she read the books you gave me last year, when she was time turning," Mary shrugged. "And then she started rambling about arguing with yourself and willfully ignoring the time-turned versions of herself. It was all very confusing."

The professor smirked. "Somehow I am not surprised. Obnoxious child."

"If you didn't like her, you wouldn't have let her in the Restricted Section last year."

"That does not mean I do not find her to be an insufferable know-it-all or a terrible teacher."

"Really, sir?" Mary smirked, "She quite reminds me of you, aside from her rambling of course."

Snape continued as though she hadn't spoken, his sneer the only indication that he had heard at all. "An Occlumency technique called double-think, multiple-avoidance, or suspension of paradox is used to avoid the headaches of time travel, especially when you are dealing with multiple iterations of yourself. It involves maintaining two or more mutually exclusive beliefs as equally true or untrue until such time as they have both _become_ true and are self-sustaining. It is a very taxing technique to maintain for long periods of time."

"So that's an advanced class, then?"

"Indeed. There are several, once you've mastered the basic avoidance technique. The logical progression of the avoidance technique, of course, is the spy's refuge or perfect Occlumency, which involves hiding certain information which pertains to your sense of self or personality, rather than just a single image or piece of information. Most of the mind magics are based on a technique called isolation, which is essentially the opposite of avoidance, in conjunction with sending, which is a legilimency technique based on scrying. Why aren't you taking notes?"

"Oh, um… I didn't realize I should." Mary summoned a notebook and pen from her bag and started scribbling. _Avoidance (1: clear, 2: direct, 3: ignore)_ _à_ _2-Avoid (paradox)/Perfect Occlumency/Isolation (opposite)_ "Okay, got it."

Professor Snape was peering at her messy, upside-down scribbles. "It is a minor miracle you've passed all your classes," he sneered. "So. The second branch of Occlumency is called passive defense. It is what most people think of when they think of Occlumency, the art of building barriers and keeping others out of your mind. It requires the occlumens to visualize their mental space and improve the natural defenses which accompany the mindscape, which would be described in the text as 'a metaphorical sympathetic action affecting the thought-structures of the mind,'" he quoted. "For example, if you envision your mind as a structure, you can implement walls or wards around the structure, which will strengthen your mind against legilimentic attack. Passive defense bears a striking resemblance to the muggle meditation and memorization technique of the Mind Palace, and is limited only by your ability to envision new defenses. Most people who have a natural talent for Occlumency find that passive defenses work well for them."

"Erm, sir? What if I don't have a natural talent for Occlumency?"

"Anyone can learn the avoidance techniques, given discipline and practice, even if they have no particular gift for the subject. Hardly anyone has a natural talent for avoidance techniques, but everyone can do it, and it is the least personalized technique, so it is the most commonly taught aspect of the subject. The third branch of Occlumency is called active defense. In the strictest sense, active defense is simply the use of legilimency against anyone who attempts to legilimize you. In the broader sense, it includes any technique used to repel a legilimens and push him out of your mind. Muggles can learn avoidance techniques and passive defense, but not active defense, because it requires one to use magic to invade an attacker's mind.

"The old pureblood families teach their children the most basic Occlumency from the age of three or so, and legilimency from the age of seven. It used to be a required subject at Hogwarts, back when dueling was a more important aspect of the curriculum."

"Why?"

"Because if your opponent can 'read your mind,'" Snape said, as though Mary was an idiot, "you're dead."

She supposed it was simple when he put it like that. "Oh. Why isn't it taught anymore, then?"

"Armando Dippet, the Headmaster before Dumbledore, de-prioritized dueling, and it never made it back on the curriculum. It is irrelevant. Most students are drawn more toward either legilimency or Occlumency, based on their personalities. Those who are more drawn to legilimency will naturally fare better at active defense than those who are not. The Dark Lord is a natural legilimens, but his mastery of Occlumency is nearly non-existent, relying only on active defense. The Headmaster is a slightly better occlumens than legilimens. He has never pursued mastery of either subject, so far as I can tell, but age tends to impart a certain degree of structure to the mind, and war a certain degree of deceptiveness. He _uses_ legilimency often, wordlessly and wandlessly, but his technique lacks finesse. Bellatrix is the other end of the scale from the Dark Lord. She is a psychopath, and therefore a natural perfect occlumens, but she correspondingly lacks the degree of empathy necessary for effective legilimency."

Mary frowned and stopped scribbling at that. "Why is empathy necessary for legilimency?"

"It is only necessary for _effective_ , which is to say, undetectable legilimency. The legilimens must adapt to the mind he is attempting to invade, in order to slip past the defenses unnoticed. If, for example, your mindscape is a house, and mine is an ocean trench, it would not do to project myself into your mind as a fish. You would notice at once."

"I see… And what about you, sir?"

"What about me?"

"Are you a legilimens, or an occlumens?"

"Both. I am more of a legilimens than an occlumens, but I have studied all three branches of Occlumency and incorporate them into my own defenses. The fact that I am still alive is testament to the fact that I am a better occlumens than the Dark Lord is a legilimens."

"Oh. Okay. So how do we start?"

"We _start_ with a demonstration of what you are trying to prevent."

"Umm. I don't think I can have a dream like that on command, sir."

"Don't be an idiot, Potter. You're going to work on lucid dreaming to avoid those. _This_ is preparation for what is likely to happen when the Dark Lord realizes that he has a back-door directly into your mind. So. There are three main ways that legilimency can be used against you. First and most obvious, a wave of uncontrolled memories, which can be trawled for those which are emotionally damaging to you, or simply act at a distraction. Observe."

Snape did not say the spell aloud or use his wand, but a stream of images immediately came to the forefront of Mary's mind, blocking out her consciousness of the room around her and her professor's dark, glittering eyes, staring deeply into her own. She was five years old. Dudley had a new bike, shiny and red, and her heart was bursting with jealousy. She was nine, and Marge's dog, Ripper, was chasing her up a tree. She was being sorted, and telling the Hat that she didn't care about being _happy_. She was twelve, and sitting by anime-cat Hermione in the hospital wing. It was the end of last year, and a hundred dementors were closing in on them beside the dark lake… And then it stopped.

"A more subtle version of the same tactic may be used to direct your thoughts toward a specific thought, piece of information, or memory," Snape said blandly, as though he hadn't just ripped through Mary's memories.

She ignored him, her mind still somewhat fuzzy. It had been a long time since she thought of the Dursleys. Her mind went back to the memory of Dudley on his bike. He wasn't quite so fat, then. Not like when she'd finally left. He'd still easily been twice her size, but it wasn't until later that year that his clothes started falling right off her. She remembered Aunt Petunia teaching her to sew with a needle and thread – never allowed to use the sewing machine, mind – just so that she could take some of his things in. She sat for hours at a time in her cupboard, sewing by the light of the single bare bulb, trying on the same shirt over and over as she tried to make it fit right. Aunt Petunia never appreciated her efforts, even though, looking back, she thought she had done pretty well. She always had something clean to wear to school, at least, especially after she started doing the laundry as well as the dishes and the gardening and all the other housework. She didn't start cooking until she was seven, though because that was the year she was finally tall enough to reach the kitchen counters and the stove-top. Petunia had tried to make her cook when she was five, and she had overturned a pot of scalding water on herself. Petunia had yelled at her for hours, and made her mop up the kitchen with her enormously oversized tee-shirt before she was allowed to stand in the shower under cold water…

Snape looked away, and suddenly Mary was no longer five years old in the kitchen, but fourteen, and sitting across the desk from her incredibly irate Head of House. "See something you rather you hadn't?" she asked snidely.

"Simply trying to resist the urge to go murder Petunia Evans in her bed."

That would be easier said than done. "They moved, I think," she said.

Snape gave Mary a positively evil smile. Mary thought this must be what he looked like when he was a Death Eater. "There are _ways_ to track down even the most reluctant of muggles. But, you may recall, I am 'reformed.' The second way to use legilimency against an enemy is to hover in the surface level of their thoughts and interpret the impulses and associated memories that connect to ongoing musings, such as honesty or doubt. This is most like what you think of as "mind reading" though it is really far more vague than that."

 _How vague is it, really?_ Mary wondered.

"You doubt me?"

"Of course not, sir."

"Liar."

"I am not a liar!" That _was_ a lie, but she only lied when she would be in more trouble otherwise.

"Lying when you think it will get you out of trouble is still lying."

"Stop that! It's creepy."

Professor Snape raised an eyebrow at this. "If you insist. The final way to use legilimency against someone is by implanting false memories or urges… suggestions, otherwise known as compulsions. Compulsions are one of the Dark Lord's specialties, though he also excels at interpreting surface thoughts. Resisting a compulsion is very much like resisting the Imperius Curse, but more difficult, because it is more difficult to recognize. For example, -"

"Merlin's beard, just shut up already!" Mary said angrily, and then immediately clapped both hands over her mouth.

Snape smirked. "For example, you were just compelled to interrupt me, for no reason whatsoever."

"You are a dangerous man," Mary whispered.

"Very," he said, his smirk shifting to a predatory grin. "There are very few former Death Eaters of the Inner Circle who were _not_ dangerous men."

"That was terrifying. You told me exactly what you were doing, and I still didn't notice! How do you _stop_ it?"

"Generally, you could break eye-contact to avoid the first three attacks. The last only takes a moment to plant, though it can be fine-tuned with longer contact. Unfortunately, the Dark Lord has a connection to you which cannot be so easily broken. Thus the answer is, with Occlumency, _obviously_. We'll start with the most basic techniques and work our way up. We have time. I doubt the Dark Lord is aware of the connection as yet, and with luck, curbing your wandering dreams may prevent him noticing for some time." Mary nodded seriously. She really didn't want to be anywhere near the Dark Lord's head.

"So," the professor continued, "You will clear your mind of all thoughts and emotions, and attempt to avoid thinking of anything as _I_ attempt to draw memories into your mind's eye. We will forego subtlety for the time being."

Mary quickly tried to think of nothing as Snape caught her eye. There was a niggling worry at the back of her mind that she was not doing this right, and suddenly instead of sitting in the office thinking of nothing, she was in her cupboard, staring at the stairs, and thinking that she should have just hidden the letter under the doormat, always bollixing things up, she was. And then the flood gates opened. She was sitting in front of the Mirror of Erised. She was watching Hermione flip the time turner back… Snape stopped, and she tried desperately to regain her equilibrium.

"Again," he said, before she could do so, catching her eye and throwing her into yet another memory… She was one, and it was dark and there was screaming. _Not Mary! Please, not Mary! I'll do anything! – Stand aside, you silly girl! – Not Mary, please, no! Take me, kill me instead! Not Mary! Please! Have mercy! –_ _Avada Kedavra!_ There was a flash of acid-green, Killing Curse light, and the screaming stopped. Mary was crying, beating her tiny fists against her cot…

"What," Professor Snape asked frigidly, "Was _that_?"

Mary was shaking. She was lucky, she thought, that she hadn't fainted (again). "That's my dementor memory. My mum… Lily… dying."

The professor stared at her for a long, long moment. She wondered if he was reading her mind again. "Is that your only memory of Lily?"

She nodded tentatively.

Professor Snape sat, staring, for another long moment, then slid his chair back. The legs scraped awfully on the stone. He threw a pinch of floo powder into the fire, and shouted "Headmaster's office," before disappearing into the emerald flames.

Mary blinked after him, then decided that he would probably come back, and she should probably practice while he was gone. He would be upset with her if she didn't. She closed her eyes and tried to clear her mind…

And jolted awake as Snape returned, through his door this time, holding a stone bowl covered with runes. "This," he said, without preamble, "is a pensieve. I have… _borrowed_ it from the Headmaster. It is used to store memories, and to allow others to access them in the third person."

"Erm… what for, sir?"

Snape was giving her the ' _you're being thick'_ look. "Your only memory of Lily Evans is one where she is begging the Dark Lord for mercy… It is an insult to the person she once was."

Mary still didn't understand. Snape set the bowl on his desk and used his wand to pull a long, silvery, shimmering strand of _something_ from his temple. It floated into the bowl, neither fluid nor gas, but shifting between both, an iridescent mist.

"Touch the memories," the professor ordered, "And try not to get too disoriented."

Mary tentatively reached out a finger and poked the shimmering not-liquid in the bowl. The office gave an almighty lurch, and Mary felt as though she were twisting and flipping, falling into the basin. The closest thing she had ever felt to this was using a portkey, but even that was nothing like, really. She was sucked into a dark whirlpool and then… she was standing in a park, under a tree, with a little, dark-haired boy, watching a pair of girls, no older than five or so, playing on the swings.

* * *

Mary looked around, confused. Where _was_ she? How did she get there? Why hadn't the little boy noticed her appearing out of thin air? "Hey!" she said, loudly. He didn't move. Perhaps he was deaf? She tried to shake him, and her hand passed through him, as though she was a ghost.

 _"This is a memory," a familiar voice said from behind her. "They can't see you, or hear you, or interact with you at all. But you can watch…"_ As he spoke, the little red-haired girl on the swings jumped off. Both Mary and the little boy made as though to run to her, to make sure she was okay, but instead of falling to the ground, hurt, she floated. Her dress belled around her perfectly, like a fairy princess stepping out of the clouds. The little boy gasped, and then a harsh woman's voice yelled, "Severus! Come!" and he ran.

 _"That was you? Then…" Mary was speechless._

 _"Yes, that was the first time I ever saw Lily Evans," Snape said quietly as the world dissolved around them into a silvery mist. "It was months until I saw her again. Nearly the end of summer."_

 _…_

The little boy was back in the park, the air hot and heavy. He was hiding behind a clump of bushes, watching the little girl on the swings, now accompanied by an older, blonder child. Petunia. There was a look of utter longing on the boy's face, though for what, Mary didn't know.

 _"I waited at the park that summer every chance I could, hoping to see her again. I knew I was a wizard of course, but aside from my mother and myself, I had never met another…"_

"Lily, don't do it!" Petunia shouted.

Lily ignored her, swinging as high as she could and flinging herself into the air. _"It's funny that they say you take after Potter on a broom, you know," Snape said conversationally. "Lily never played Quidditch, but she always loved to fly."_ The boy Snape took the swing next to Lily.

"Mummy told you not to!" Petunia scolded her little sister.

"But I'm fine," Lily giggled. "Tuney, look at this. Watch what I can do!" Lily had drawn near to the bushes, found a fallen flower, and was making it open and close its petals.

"Stop it!"

"It's not hurting you," Lily defended herself, but dropped the flower anyway.

"It's not right. How do you do it?" There was definite longing in the older girl's voice.

"It's obvious, isn't it?" Snape said, coming out of his hiding place. Both girls startled, and Petunia ran, though Lily stayed where she was. He blushed under her stare.

 _"I feel I must defend the actions of my younger self. I_ did _know better than to jump out of bushes at people. I was simply so excited to meet a witch my own age that I neglected the proprieties."_

 _Mary smirked. "Of course."_

"What's obvious?" Lily asked cautiously.

Young Snape… Severus… was clearly nervous. He glanced at Petunia before he said, quietly, "I know what you are."

"What do you mean?"

"You're… you're a witch," the boy whispered.

She looked affronted.

" _That's_ not a very nice thing to say to somebody!" She turned and marched off, nose in the air.

"No!" Snape obviously had no idea how he'd insulted her, and was desperate to salvage the situation. He chased after her, his oversized coat flapping robe-like around him. "You _are_. You are a witch. I've been watching you for a while. But there's nothing wrong with that. My mum's one, and I'm a wizard."

Petunia laughed at him. "Wizard!" she shrieked, "I know who _you_ are. You're that Snape boy! They live down Spinner's End, by the river," she told Lily, as though anyone who lived at such a poor and mundane address could not possibly be a wizard. "Why have you been spying on us?"

"Haven't been spying," Severus muttered. "Wouldn't spy on you, anyway. _You're_ a muggle."

Petunia had clearly always been quick to recognize offence. "Lily, come on, we're leaving!"

Severus drooped, clearly bitterly disappointed, as the two girls walked away from him.

…

 _"It was over a year before I saw her again. I was… kicked out of my first school after a bout of accidental magic. After the holidays, I started at St. Gertrude's with Lily."_

The children were still outside, Lily's hair hidden under a knitted cap, Severus in a jacket too large for him and too thin for the weather. Lily was poking around in a snow-covered flower-bed with several other small girls. Severus walked over, not recognizing her, but curious.

"Oh!" she exclaimed suddenly. A sprout of green had lanced through the icy mud. A snowdrop bloomed before their eyes. The little girls ran away, and Lily looked down in shame, ready to crush the flower, to scoop snow over it and hide its unnaturalness.

"Don't!" Severus said, kneeling down next to her. "Leave it," he insisted, grabbing her hand.

"But… It's not right!" She looked up at him and he recognized her.

He grinned. "I told you, you're a witch, Lily Evans."

 _"We didn't become friends right away, of course," Snape explained. "And it was not until the summer after that that we ever did anything together."_ (Mary caught a glimpse of the two children, sitting cross-legged on the ground in a copse of trees by a river, Severus still wearing the same mismatched, muggle clothing as the year before, as the scene dissolved.) " _But from then on, we were inseparable."_

A new scene swirled out of the mist.

…

Severus and Lily were wandering through a snowy cemetery, her hand on his arm, reading headstones and looking for funny names. They were laughing hysterically at the grave of Mr. Felix Pounce.

 _"How old were you?"_

 _"This was my ninth birthday. Lily was eight."_

They watched as the children wandered back through the cemetery, and Lily paused at the gates. She turned and bowed, and blew a kiss to the empty graveyard. Apparently Severus was just as confused as Mary.

"It just seemed like something I should do," the girl explained to her friend's questioning look.

 _"I never did work out if she was so good at ritual magic because she sensed things I didn't, or if she was just a bit mad," Snape said drily._

 _…_

Another scene, almost dark, this time.

" _Lily's birthday_ ," _Snape said_.

"I don't want to go home!" Severus declared. The children were wandering the streets of a worn-down neighborhood.

"Won't your mum be worried?" Lily asked, biting her lip and twirling her hair.

"She doesn't care what I do when she's drinking," Severus said quietly. "She doesn't care what _he_ does to me."

Lily pulled him close under a streetlight and looked him in the eye. "Stay at my house tonight, Sev."

"I can't. Your parents wouldn't let me stay."

"Who says we're gonna tell them?"

"Lilyyyyy, you're making this hard!"

"It's my birthday, Sev! Come stay with me."

"I shouldn't," the boy said, but there was something like hope in his eyes.

"You already said _your_ parents wouldn't care. Come on, it will be fun!"

She grabbed him by the wrist and towed him back the way they came, laughing wildly.

Severus had a small smile on his face.

 _"Her parents found out, of course, at the end of the week, when my mother finally sobered up enough to wonder where I was. They kicked me out, and started checking her room to make sure she wasn't sneaking boys in."_

 _…_

There was a flurry of fleeting images, then: Lily shouting at Petunia, "Leave him alone, Tuney! He's my friend!" while Severus stood in the shadows nearby… a slightly older Lily playing kickball with muggle friends at school… Lily answering a maths question on the slate in front of the class… Lily hugging Severus as they parted ways at the end of the day… Lily pouncing on him on the first day of school, saying, "I missed you, Sev!" "I saw you yesterday, Lily!" "Yesterday was _forever_ ago, Sev!"

…

The scene dissolved properly, then, and re-formed to Severus holding a thick envelope sealed with the Hogwarts crest. He didn't even open it, but ran from the house, sprinting to Lily's as fast as he could, barging through their back door, waving the letter, yelling "Lily! I got it! I told you! Lily? Where are you?"

A very angry couple, who had to be Mr. and Mrs. Evans, came out of the sitting room, followed by a pink-faced, grinning Lily, a very sour-looking Petunia, and a startlingly younger Professor McGonagall in a very proper skirt-suit, quite possibly the same one she'd worn to the Dursleys' all those years later.

"Hi, Sev. I'll come find you later, yeah?" Lily was biting her lip again, clearly trying not to laugh at the shocked expression on Severus' face.

"Erm. Yes. Sorry, Madam. Mr. and Mrs. Evans. Petunia. Lily." The boy bowed jerkily, force of habit not quite overwhelmed by embarrassment or the fact that he was in a muggle house. He fled.

…

 _"Minerva still makes fun of me for that_ , _" Snape noted._

 _"But…that was adorable."_

 _"Don't make me regret this."_

 _"No, sir." Mary couldn't help but smile, though. "If it helps any, I think she's still wearing that same outfit for muggle-parent visits…"_

 _"Strangely, I find that it does."_

 _…_

The scarlet steam-engine was waiting. Severus was tapping his toe impatiently on the muggle side of Platform 9 ¾ with two trunks stacked on a trolley. Lily's parents kissed her goodbye. Petunia kept sending jealous glances at her, but Lily, positively glowing with excitement, never noticed until the older girl dragged her away from them, close enough for Severus to overhear.

"…I'm sorry, Tuney, I'm sorry! Listen – Maybe once I'm there – No, listen, Tuney! Maybe once I'm there, I'll be able to go to Professor Dumbledore and persuade him to change his mind!"

"I don't – want – to – go!" Petunia dragged her hand away from her sister's. "You think I want to go to some stupid castle and learn to be a – a… you think I want to be a – a freak?"

Lily's eyes were filled with tears. "I'm not a freak. That's a horrible thing to say."

"That's where you're going! A special school for freaks. You and that Snape boy… weirdos, that's what you two are. It's good you're being separated from normal people. It's for our safety," Petunia said venomously.

Lily looked over at her parents before she said, equally spiteful, "You didn't think it was such a freak's school when you wrote to the Headmaster and begged him to take you."

Petunia went scarlet. "Beg? I didn't beg!"

"I saw his reply, it was very kind."

"You shouldn't have read – that was my private – how could you?" Lily only half-glanced at Severus, but it was enough to give him away. "That boy found it! You and that boy have been sneaking in my room!"

"No – not sneaking! Severus saw the letter and couldn't believe a muggle could have contacted Hogwarts, that's all! He says there must be wizards in the postal service who take care of –"

"Apparently wizards poke their noses in everywhere! Freak!" She flounced off back to her parents. Lily looked utterly lost, until…

"Come on, Lily!" Severus called, "We're going to miss the train!" She ran over, looking like she was trying not to cry and grabbed his hand. They took their first steps into the magical world together.

Mary and Snape trailed behind as Lily and Severus found a carriage.

An older man loaded the children's trunks into a carriage, while his wife ran her fingers through her son's hopelessly untidy black hair, herself the image of a perfect pureblood matron.

 _"Your grandmother, Dorea Potter, née Black," Snape said, his voice devoid of expression._

 _"Then that older man was?"_

 _"Yes. Charlus Potter. Your grandfather. They died in our sixth year. January of 1977."_

 _"I wish I could have met them."_

 _Snape made a non-committal noise as they followed Lily and Severus onto the train._

Severus was thanking Charlus for bringing their trunks aboard. They could still hear the other Potters outside.

"Be nice to your cousin Sirius, and try not to be too disappointed if you're not in the same house!" Dorea was telling her son. "And do try to stay out of trouble!"

"Yes, mum!"

"Give me a proper hug! I'm expecting letters every Sunday!"

"I know, mum!"

"Get back here and say goodbye properly!"

"That's my cue," Charlus said. "Good luck at Hogwarts, you two." He gave them a little wave and stepped out.

"Bye, dad!" they heard James yell in the corridor, and then, "Hello, my name's Potter. Jamie Potter."

"Bond, James Bond," Severus whispered in Lily's ear. She giggled for a moment before she introduced herself and Severus.

 _Mary giggled, and Snape raised an eyebrow at her._

 _"Maia made that joke when Malfoy introduced himself the same way our first year."_

 _"Did she really?"_

"Pleased to meet you!" James said, brushing a kiss over the back of Lily's hand. "I have to go rescue my cousin. I'll be back!"

 _"Well, actually she called him a poncy little twat who introduced himself like an out-of-date, fictional muggle spy and did not deserve the name_ Draco _or something like that. And I think she might have also insulted his hair."_

 _"Powers below, what did he say to_ her _?"_

 _"Well, before he called her a mudblood, and after he just kind of sputtered incoherently."_

 _"Hmmm…" Snape said with a speculative look._

"Strange boy," Lily said, looking after James.

" _You do rather have to wonder what she thought of me, the first time we met," commented Snape._

Severus excused himself to find a place to change into his robes, and the scene froze while he was gone. When he returned, there was a jump, and Lily was crying, forehead pressed against the window. James had already returned with a boy who was clearly a younger Sirius Black, and several other children as well. They were chattering loudly, clearly already friends. Young Severus had eyes only for Lily.

"I don't want to talk to you," she said, voice tight.

"Why not?"

"Tuney h-hates me. Because we saw that letter from Dumbledore."

"So what?"

"So she's my _sister_!"

"She's only a –" he caught himself quickly, and instead said, "But we're going! This is it! We're off to Hogwarts!"

The girl mopped her eyes and half smiled.

"You'd better be in Slytherin," Severus said, clearly floundering as he tried to keep the conversation going.

"Slytherin?" James said scornfully. "Who wants to be in Slytherin? I think I'd leave, wouldn't you?" he asked Sirius.

" _All_ the Blacks have been in Slytherin, Jamie," Sirius sighed.

"Blimey. But I thought you seemed all right!"

 _Mary sniggered. "Does he not realize his mum was a Black?"_

 _"Apparently not."_

The other boy grinned. "Maybe I'll break the tradition. Where are you headed, if you've got the choice?"

James lifted an invisible sword. "Gryffindor, where dwell the brave at heart! Like my dad." Severus snorted, and James turned on him. "Got a problem with that?"

"No, if you'd rather be brawny than brainy…"

"Where're you hoping to go, seeing as you're neither?" Sirius snarked.

James roared with laughter, and Lily glared at the two of them before dragging Severus out to find another compartment.

…

The scene dissolved again and re-formed to show the Great Hall.

Minerva McGonagall, in her official robes and pointy hat, was reading off names to a line of nervous first-years. They watched as the children from Lily and Severus' compartment were sorted.

"Black, Sirius!"

Sirius was shaking as he approached the Hat.

"GRYFFINDOR!"

He hardly looked less terrified afterward, searching the Slytherin table for… yes, there, the unmistakable, aristocratic features and blonde hair of Narcissa Malfoy, then Black, even as he walked to the Gryffindor table. She looked very angry.

"Evans, Lily!"

The red-head practically skipped to the Sorting Hat.

"GRYFFINDOR!"

Severus looked like he had been punched in the gut. He let out a tiny groan. Lily gave him a sad look as she headed for the red and gold table.

"Lupin, Remus!"

"GRYFFINDOR!"

Remus looked somewhat surprised, but not displeased.

"Potter, James!"

Jamie Potter undeniably _swaggered_ to the Hat.

"GRYFFINDOR!"

"Snape, Severus!"

"SLYTHERIN!"

Lily was clapping just as hard as any of the Slytherins, but Severus looked like a doomed man as he headed toward the green and silver table.

…

Lily was arguing with Severus over breakfast at the Slytherin table. He was picking halfheartedly at his food, obviously conscious of the attention Lily's presence was attracting from his housemates.

"You have to go back, Lily."

She stole a piece of his bacon and ignored the other Slytherins. "I don't want to! Remus and Marley are alright, but Jamie's a prat, and Sirius isn't much better, and none of them are _you_!"

"Lily, Gryffindors aren't friends with Slytherins!"

"Don't be stupid, Sev," Lily said, leaning against his arm. "I'm a Gryffindor, and you're a Slytherin, and _we're_ friends, so _obviously_ they are."

 _"Impeccable logic," said Mary. "I see why you liked her."_

 _"Twit."_

…

The next scene took place in the potions corridor. The Slytherins and Gryffindors had obviously just finished their lesson.

"Hey, Lily," Severus said, very quietly, "I'm not supposed to say, but if you sneak out to the Woods after the Halloween Feast, there's a ritual going on."

"A real ritual?" Lily was practically bouncing in place.

Severus nodded. "The Dance of the Dead. It's one for the Deathly Power."

"Of course I'll be there!"

…

The scene changed again, and there was a confused momentary flash of Lily, dancing in front of blue flames, hair wild, eyes wide and unseeing, and then a swirl of color and mist.

…

"No, flick and then _jab_."

"Why didn't your mum teach _me_ any of these things?"

"Probably because she didn't think you'd need to know."

"I don't see why not. _Pica!_ "

"Ouch!"

"Ha!"

 _"Stinging jinx?"_

 _"Potter and Black were, and I quote, being insufferable. Who was I to deny her revenge?"_

The scene dissolved, and they were in the library.

…

"Guess what, Sev!" Lily was whispering excitedly, "I found a new spell! Want to see what it does?"

Severus nodded.

 _"Lumax!_ "

There was an absolutely _blinding_ flash of light, and screaming, and then nothing.

 _"This was second year. We were in hospital for two weeks while Pomfrey re-grew our corneas," said Snape._

They stood in darkness as Severus said, "Lily."

"Yes, Sev?" Lily's voice was muffled, as though it came from behind a curtain.

"Next time you ask me to test a new spell with you, remind me to say 'no.'"

…

Mist swirled, and they were watching a dinner. Snape was sitting at the end of the Slytherin table closest to the High Table, watching Lily use some kind of spell to make Remus and the traitor Pettigrew attack James and Sirius. Professor McGonagall was talking to an older, very fat man wearing robes that marked him as Slytherin's Head of House.

"I'm going to have to take points for that. This is all your fault. I'd bet you anything that Snape boy taught her that curse."

 _"I did."_

"Would you blame her for using it, though? Those boys have been harassing her since the minute they were Sorted."

"No, I just wish she'd ask for help."

"She did. She asked Mr. Snape."

" _Official_ help, Horace." The Professor bustled away calling, "Miss Evans! Five points from Gryffindor for cursing your classmates."

…

The next few memories moved very quickly:

Lily, on the train again, eyes bright with laughter saying, "Hey, Sev! Your mum signed your Hogsmeade form, right? Want to go with me the first weekend?"

…

And then over winter hols at the castle – Severus, in an oversized grey jumper and a very festive-looking Lily were kissing under a sprig of mistletoe. They broke apart and a panicked look washed over Lily's face. She turned and ran without a word. Severus stood there, blinking stupidly until he was knocked into the wall by James and Sirius, who were chasing Remus through the hall.

 _"She told me later," Snape explained, "That she had this romantic idea that kissing was supposed to be magical, and when it was just_ lips _she thought we had done something wrong. She ran off and kissed Lupin that same night, and apparently that was better. I was so angry with her: I thought she was saying that I was a bad kisser." He smiled, oddly, perhaps thinking of the follies of his younger self. "We decided much later that it was probably because we grew up together. She always was much more my sister than my lover, though Potter never understood that."_

 _"What about you?"_

 _"I think Lily realized it by the end of this year, at least that she didn't think of me romantically. It… admittedly took a bit longer for it to sink in for me."_

 _…_

Lily and two other girls sat with their heads together, giggling in a corner of the library. "Go away, Snape! Girl talk!"

"Oh, no, Sev, don't go. Shut up Marley. He can help. Come sit."

"What is all this about," Severus asked warily.

The girls giggled. "Marley… Marley has a crush on Sirius Black," said the girl Mary didn't recognize.

"Is this supposed to be news? Half the people in this school have a crush on Black. Just do what they do: drag him into a broom cupboard and snog his brains out."

"Ugh, not helping, mate," said Marley, banging her head against a book.

"Everyone knows Black's a slut. I'll be over there working on McGonagall's essay…"

 _"Black was_ such _a slut."_

 _"He had to have_ some _standards."_

 _"Hmmm, yes. Anything with a pulse. Ask him about it sometime. I'm_ sure _he'd appreciate it…"_

 _Mary ignored this, though she filed it away as potential blackmail material. "Who were the other girls?"_

 _"Mary Macdonald. She died in the summer of '81. And Marlene McKinnon. Also died in the war, though I don't recall the date."_

 _…_

Then the girls were gone, and Lily and Severus were at a table together, this time actually working on something.

 _"Fourth year," Snape noted._

 _"She's my age, then."_

 _"Obviously," the professor rolled his eyes, but the criticism lacked its usual scorn._

"This is so stupid!" Lily was pulling at her hair.

"Why is it stupid?" Severus asked, peering over at her work.

"This standard form! _Eihwaz_ should be switched with the _isaz_ over there, and it's _bothering_ me."

"Why?"

"It just _should_."

"How do you know?"

"How do you know how to add a deosil stir?"

"I just _know._ "

"Exactly! It's not _balanced_. Watch." Lily waved her hand over one equation, and an illusion appeared, modeling the flow of energy through the diagram. "And this is how it _should_ be." A second illusion appeared, spinning more evenly than the first.

"If you say so…"

…

Another day, same table. Lily had a mad, Ravenclaw-ish look in her eye. "You know how we were talking about spell design in arithmancy?"

Severus looked _extremely_ wary. "…yes…"

"I've got an idea, and I want your help with it!"

Severus sighed. "You know I can't say no to you, Lily."

 _"Normally you start spell design in your fifth year," Snape noted. "But she had this idea and couldn't wait…"_

 _"Sounds familiar," Mary grinned._

 _"Yes, I believe Lily and Miss Granger would either have been the best of friends, or mortal enemies."_

That explains rather a lot of Snape's attitude toward Maia _, Mary thought, but wisely said nothing._

 _…_

And then they were in the Great Hall again, at an end-of-term banquet. James Potter was standing on a chair as Lily and Severus walked by, arm in arm.

"Hey! Evans!" he shouted, "Marry me! Leave Snivellus and we'll run away together!"

"Shut up, James Potter!" Lily snapped. "Severus Snape is twice the man you'll ever be!"

She flicked her wand at James' chair, and whispered a spell. The seat turned to ice. James promptly fell to the floor. "Oof! Evans!"

"Get your head out of your arse, Potter!"

 _Snape laughed openly. "That might be my favorite proposal."_

 _"Were there many?"_

 _"Oh, yes. He started with asking her out every Hogsmeade weekend in third year. This was the first marriage proposal, though he tried again at least twenty more times."_

 _"Merlin, couldn't he take a hint?"_

 _"Potter? Never."_

 _…_

There was a swirl of mist, and a classroom appeared.

 _"This is my fifth year, DADA. Professor Vane. She was the best Defense Professor we ever had."_

"Come, now, let's have a pair of volunteers! Dueling until one of you is disarmed or otherwise incapacitated!" Professor Vane called out to the assembled students. "Don't be shy! What about you, Miss Evans, Mister Snape? Come on up!"

The two students made their way to the front of the class, grinning and whispering. Severus was much taller now, Mary noticed, and Lily was starting to look more grown up. The Marauders were standing off to one side, also whispering, and elbowing each other as they apparently took bets on the outcome.

 _"Lily and I had been dueling since second-year and the_ lumax _incident. We decided it would be a more interesting demonstration if we used handicaps – she was to use only Dark spells, and I was to use only Neutral or Light spells."_

Severus and Lily bowed at Professor Vane's direction, and they began sending charms and hexes at one another. Lily danced between the jets of light, while Severus moved economically, only one step at a time, or formed short-lived shields. They exchanged spells for a good few minutes before either of them landed anything. Then Lily hexed Severus' tongue out, and began to press the offensive, his wordless spells not nearly as strong as her incantations. Just when it looked like Lily would win, Severus hit her with something that melded her fingers together, forcing her to drop her wand. He darted over and picked it up.

 _"She should have won. The Flipper Finger Curse is Dark. But I was desperate not to lose in front of Potter and his cronies."_

…

The memories enclosed them and parted like fog, back to the library. Lily and Severus were at their favorite table, discussing spellcrafting. "We should try an anti-eavesdropping charm," Severus suggested.

"Yeah, that would be great!"

A bolt of blue light lanced out from between the stacks, catching Severus in the back of the head. He went rigid and began to twitch. Mary had never seen the spell before. Lily reversed it, and without needing to discuss, they switched tables so that Severus could sit with his back to a wall.

"I thought they were still trying to recruit you, Sev."

"Yes, well, they've moved on from being nice about it to punishing me for associating with you," the young man snapped.

"Oh, Sev…"

The image paused. Snape looked at the frozen image of Lily with an expression Mary couldn't identify.

 _"We decided after this that it would be best if we began to try to act as though we were growing apart. It was her idea. She pretended that she objected to my friendship with Avery and Mulciber and obsession with Dark Arts, while I pretended to be jealous about Lily and Potter. We had several very public arguments."_

 _"So she didn't mind you being friends with the Young Death Eaters?"_

 _"She knew we weren't really friends. She knew far more about the politics of Slytherin than most others outside the House at the time."_

 _"And you weren't… jealous of Potter?"_

 _Snape sighed. "Rationally, no. Not about Lily. She hated him." He hesitated. "I… I sometimes wondered if she suggested this plan because she truly did want to set me aside. But I never thought it was because of Potter. Her life simply would have been easier all around if I weren't in it. I envied the fact that he could interact with her at all without having to guard against his own house, and without drawing criticism for her from her friends. I envied his money and the fact that his life was so bloody easy. I envied his friendships, and the fact that the professors favored him, and would let his little gang of bullies get away with murder. It took… a very long time, for me to stop hating James bloody Potter."_

 _Mary decided that changing the subject would be advisable. "And the Dark Arts?"_

 _"She was too clever and too curious to ignore them herself, as you saw in the duel," Snape said, un-freezing the memory. There was a bit of a time jump, and then:_

Severus broke the point off his quill, and immediately declared, "I'm too angry for this. Let's work on something Dark."

"All right," Lily said quietly. "What about that Slicing Curse you wanted to adapt?"

The memory faded out again. Snape chose not to explain further, and Mary didn't ask.

…

The mists cleared, and Mary recognized the clearing where the Revels were held.

 _"This you will not have seen before, I think, unless you've been sneaking around Walpurgis Night. Traditionally you have to be fifteen in order to attend. It's the celebration of the Wild Power, and it has a tendency to get a bit… well, you'll see."_

A bonfire was burning, the flames bright blue and green. The light made the clearing look like it was underwater. Instead of the organized ceremony of Samhain, there were dozens of people milling around, watching the stars, casting illusions, passing bottles that looked suspiciously like firewhisky between each other, laughing and _having fun_ together, in a way that, even in their Common Room, Slytherins hardly ever did. Several people were playing instruments. Mary could pick out at least two flutes, a guitar and the haunting strains of a large string instrument competing with a very up-beat fiddle duet. Severus was lying on the ground, watching Lily, or possibly the trees behind her. She was swaying, eyes closed, dancing to one of the many melodies. She stumbled and opened her eyes, grinning.

"I know what to do," she mouthed at Severus, and put one finger over her mouth as a keep-quiet gesture. He smiled. He looked half-asleep, certainly more relaxed than Mary had ever seen.

She moved toward the fire, humming and skipping, gathering leaves here and there, asking people for something and moving on. She returned to Severus, hands full of buttons and leaves and feathers. "Give me something of yourself, Sev," she said.

He smiled lazily at her and pulled a potions-knife from his pocket. He cut a lock of straight, fine hair, and placed it in her hands. "What are you doing, Lily?"

"You'll see!" she practically sang. And she danced away again, circling the fire, raising her hands to the cardinal directions before flinging the double handful of _stuff_ over it. As the bits came down in the flames, they sparked silver, green, and gold.

"Let us all be unbound!" she cried out to the night, and the Darkness swept down from between the stars, and everything went mad.

The fire burned black, green now only around the very edges of the flames, but there was still light from somewhere. The music was suddenly loud and wild, and there seemed to be more instruments playing, like an entire orchestra inventing the concept of jazz all at once, and frenzied movement, people dancing and running and leaping, tumbling to the ground and rising again, and laughter and cheering. People were kissing (and _more_ than kissing), rolling around, heedless of their fellows. There were fistfights breaking out, and other people throwing themselves on one another – it was difficult to say whether some groups were fighting or fucking.

Lily appeared from the crowd, her green eyes gone all-black and pricked with starlight. She pulled Severus into the madcap dance, leading him to the edge of the fire and then, letting him go, crooked a finger and backed into the green-edged flames, a look of pure ecstasy on her face. The young man followed her, unthinking, and then there was nothing, and everything. Darkness overwhelmed the memory. They saw nothing, or the entire universe, and her eyes like starry night skies, as Snape apparently remembered this moment, and Lily, or the universe, or the wild Dark kissed him, and he came back to himself, falling out of the fire and collapsing onto the grass as she returned to leading the dancers. Severus watched the stars spin away above him, the rest of the world a blur.

The mist of memories rose up and swirled. Mary thought that it would be inappropriate to say anything, but Snape apparently disagreed.

 _"She was playing host to the Darkness," he explained, though it really didn't explain anything. "She told me later that she did not remember much of the evening at all, only snippets and flashes, faces in the flames…"_

 _…_

The next scene became clear. Severus was almost completely hidden in the shadow of a clump of bushes by the lake, apparently revising something.

"Put that _away_ , will you?" a loud, haughty voice said. "Before Wormtail wets himself from excitement." The Marauders had wandered over and flopped down under a tree. Severus looked up, and shrank further into his shadows, watching them, now, instead of reading his paper. Remus looked like he was reading something, too. Sirius was staring around looking bored. James was showing off with a practice snitch, and the Traitor was watching him with something like hero-worship in his eyes. Severus sneered at them.

"If it bothers you," James said, stuffing the snitch into his pocket and giving his cousin a fond look.

"I'm _bored_ ," said Sirius. "Wish it was full moon."

A speculating look crossed Severus' face as Remus glared at Sirius and said something about their Transfiguration OWL, holding out a book.

And then James said something very quietly, and nodded in Severus' direction, and Sirius' head whipped around. He froze like a dog on point as he spotted Severus.

The pale, skinny boy was on his feet, stowing his papers in an instant. He tried to get away, but Sirius and James were on their feet, too, wands out already. The traitor was looking between the three of them, clearly anticipating a show, while Remus purposefully ignored them.

"All right, Snivellus?" James called.

Before Severus could point his wand, he was disarmed, and knocked off his feet. The fifth-years were surrounded by a crowd of watchers.

"How'd the exam go, Snivelly?"

"I was watching him. His nose was touching the parchment. There'll be great grease marks all over it. They won't be able to read a word!"

Laughter. Severus struggled to get away, clearly furious. Mary blushed on his behalf. She had been in the center of a circle of laughing students as Dudley bullied her, had had every eye in the school on her as she was shunned as the Heir of Slytherin. To be the center of attention was awful, and being a laughingstock was worse. She wanted to take James to task for this. Severus hadn't _done_ anything. Her father should be _better_ than this.

 _"Was it always like this?" she asked quietly._

 _"When they caught me alone," Snape said, "They only attacked when I was outnumbered."_

"You – wait," Severus panted, a look of pure hatred on his face, "You – wait…"

"Wait for what?" Sirius asked. "What're you going to do, Snivelly? Wipe your nose on us?"

Severus lost his temper, loosing a foul stream of swears and hexes, still trapped and helpless.

"Wash out your mouth!" said James, as though offended. " _Scourgify!_ "

Pink soap bubbles streamed from Snape's mouth at once. He was gaging, choking. Mary sneaked a look at Snape. He was watching the scene impassively, as though the younger man on the ground was not him. She reached out tentatively and squeezed the professor's hand as Lily came stomping up through the crowd, furious and on a mission. Snape looked down, surprised, and she let go. It was probably inappropriate, she thought, and about twenty years too late, but she didn't really care.

"Leave him ALONE!" James and Sirius looked around. James' free hand was suddenly tousling his hair.

"All right, Evans?" James was saying, suddenly pretending at maturity.

"Leave him alone! What's he done to you?"

"Well," said James, slowly, "It's more the fact that he _exists_ , if you know what I mean…"

 _"I will not say that I never retaliated for their incessant attacks," Snape said, "but it was really more the fact that Potter was jealous of my relationship with Lily."_

 _Mary snorted._

More laughter from the crowd. Remus, Mary was happy to see, was an exception, though he never did look up from his book. Coward.

"You think you're funny," Lily said, "But you're just an arrogant, bullying toerag, Potter. Leave him alone."

"I will if you go out with me, Evans," said James. Mary was disgusted, and apparently so was Lily. "Go on… go out with me, and I'll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again."

Severus was crawling toward his fallen wand as the Impediment Jinx wore off, taking advantage of the Marauders' distraction.

"I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid!"

"Bad luck, Prongs," Sirius said, as though this was only expected. He turned back to Severus. "OY!"

But he was too late. Severus had cast a curse at James, cutting his face and spattering his robes with blood as he turned back around. There was another flash of light and Severus was suddenly hanging upside-down in the air, his pale, skinny legs and greying pants on display for the world to see. Mary looked away as the crowd roared with laughter.

Lily almost smiled, but remembered that she was defending her friend. "Let him DOWN!"

"Certainly!" James dropped Severus on his head. Sirius petrified him before he could stand up.

"LEAVE HIM ALONE!" Lily bellowed. She had her own wand out now, and the Gryffindor boys seemed to be backing down.

"Ah, Evans… don't make me hex you," James actually sounded reluctant.

"Take the curse off him, then!"

James sighed as though this was a terrible imposition, but did so. "There you go."

Snape struggled to his feet. "You're lucky Evans was here, Snivellus," James was saying, but Severus wasn't looking at him. He was looking at the two large boys and cruel-faced girl in Slytherin ties standing _behind_ James. The girl was looking at Lily while the boys muttered ominously. Her eyes flicked to Severus, and Mary watched him make a choice.

"I don't need help from filthy little mudbloods like her!"

Lily looked hurt. "Fine. I won't bother in future. And I'd wash your pants if I were you, _Snivellus_."

"Apologize to Evans!" James roared, but Severus finally had his wand in a defensive position, and before James could try to curse him again, Lily rounded on him.

"I don't want _you_ to make him apologize! You're as bad as he is!"

"What? I'd _never_ call you a – you-know-what!"

 _"Is this why you give detentions to anyone who uses the m-word?" Mary asked._

 _"No. That wasn't really what she was angry about. She knew I was a half-blood, and in those days, one was as bad as the other to… certain people. But I had been refusing to tell her the full extent of my… dispute with the Gryffindors, and she hated that I would never ask for help. She loved being needed, Lily. Pushing her away was a far worse crime than denouncing her as a mudblood."_

 _Mary nodded quietly at the explanation._

"Messing up your hair because you think it looks cool to look like you've just got off your broomstick, showing off with that stupid snitch, walking down corridors and hexing anyone who annoys you, just because you can – I'm surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it! You make me _sick_!" Lily turned furiously on her heel and hurried away, not quite running, but brushing people aside roughly.

The memory faded out.

…

 _"What did she do to you?" Mary asked. If it had been her, both James and Severus would have been in for it._

 _"She turned me away when I tried to apologize, after. Publicly, using the words of our public dispute. But we both knew the real reason she was angry. And she proved she really_ was _angry, not just continuing our façade, by ignoring me all summer. Then she seduced Black, in the fall. After that, she finally let me apologize in private, but it was too late. We were never as close again after that, and not just as part of our play for the Slytherins."_

 _"WHAT? She slept with Sirius? Why?"_

 _Snape almost smiled. "To punish me, because I hated him the most out of any of them. To punish Black, by making him betray his best friend. And to punish Potter, because he wanted her, and couldn't have her, plus the added torture of seeing Black have something James couldn't. It was the longest I ever saw Black and Potter upset with each other."_

 _"But wouldn't that be terrible, if he was such a jerk? I mean, for her… Why would she want to…? With_ him _?"_

 _"Hmmm… Practice makes perfect, I suppose, regardless of his lack of other redeeming qualities," Snape said drily._

 _"Pro_ fes _sor!" Mary objected, hiding her red face in her hands, "This is my_ mother _we're talking about!"_

 _"You asked."_

 _…_

The mists parted, and they were at a Samhain Revel. The fire was glowing white-hot, and Severus was watching as Lily cut her arm and threw the dagger into the fire. The flames went blue and cold. The magic was screaming and the ritual was completed as the onlookers declared witness and the celebrants offered the blessing.

Time and space began to shift, and they heard the voices of the dead, and then Lily's eyes grew bright as the Killing Curse, and she moved into the fire as though in a trance. The Master of Ceremonies tried to grab her and stop her, but she caught his eye and pushed his hands away.

Her mouth moved. "Trust me," whispered through the grove, as though the night itself was speaking, and she stepped into the fire, raising her arms and speaking to the stars, or the void, in the same eerie, whispering, penetrating voice. Mary did not know her words, or even the language she spoke, but the magic grew again, reaching a new fever-pitch, and then the familiar sensation of time twisting filled the air, and spirits streamed from the fire, filling the clearing, and the students began to move and dance as one, breaking out of the traditional forms and moving to the unheard beat, and the scene dissolved into darkness and mist.

…

 _"What just happened?" Mary asked._

 _"She changed the ritual," Snape said, simply. "It was her gift, knowing how to pull together thought and word and deed, balancing them against each other. Before it was… incomplete. It still is, of course, but after this, she said it was closer to what was meant to be."_

 _"How did she know?"_

 _"Magic," said Snape, with a small smile, "Or madness. Who can say?"_

 _…_

The mists swirled and parted again, and then they were in the Hospital Wing. Severus was lying in a bed, glaring at a young Madam Pomfrey as she bustled away down the ward. Lily rushed up in healers' robes, hair falling out of its bun, hat askew.

 _"Sixth year was… difficult," Snape explained. "I didn't see much of Lily. We were both studying for NEWTs. She wanted to be a healer, and was studying Healing Spells on the side, working in the Hospital wing in the evenings to get experience. She was terrified when I was brought in, though I was only shaken, not injured."_

"Oh my God! Sev, what happened? Are you okay?"

"It was _them_!"

"What?"

"James Potter and his little band of psychopaths!"

"What did they do, Sev? I'll fucking kill them if they've hurt you!" Lily suddenly looked very fierce. Mary believed in that instant that she would have done it.

"No, Lily. No. Don't go getting in trouble over me. It's just… Dumbledore's forbidden me to talk about it," Severus finally said, barely-concealed hatred simmering in his tone.

"Fuck him!"

"Lily… I need to graduate."

But Lily would not let it go. "Severus Aquinas Snape, you tell me what those beastly boys did to you right now!"

"I _can't_ tell you the specifics. But Black tricked me into walking into danger, and Potter, the noble _ass_ , went and tried to stop me – nearly got us both killed – no, I can't say how – And of course the old goat gave me detention for being out of bounds, and nothing at all is going to happen to Black. Oh, and he congratulated Potter on being a worthy successor to his father's legacy."

"Oh, Sev."

"He doesn't even care that I nearly got killed by their idiocy. Oh no, Sirius Black, redeemed son of the Darkest house, can do no wrong in the old man's eyes."

"Come here, Sev," Lily sat on the bed and wrapped her arms around him. "It will be all right, I promise."

…

 _"It wasn't all right. The Death Eaters had become very insistent, and I had been falling more and more into the Dark Arts. I met Bellatrix at the Malfoys' Yule party that year, and she thought I had potential. The Junior Death Eaters began seriously recruiting me. I could not avoid them, and it became outright dangerous to associate with Lily, the consequences greater than schoolyard jinxes."_

 _…_

The memory-fragments sped up again, flashes of color and light in the mist, hardly solidifying into coherent scenes.

Lily and Severus were scribbling notes to each other in the margins of their Potions texts, working on spells and adjusting instructions. _("I expect her books are still in the Potters' vault…" Snape mused.)_ They shared harried looks between classes, and exasperated looks as their new Defense professor droned on like Binns, and sneaked away to the Room of Requirement to talk openly:

"I miss you, Sev."

"I miss you, too, Lily. But it's not safe. You know how they are."

"It's not _right_!"

"Since when did they care what was right?" Severus grabbed Lily's hands and gave her a serious look. "Listen, I... you wanted me to ask for help when I needed it. This is the only thing you can do to help me. You were right, last year. We – we need to keep our distance. They have to think… they have to think I've left you behind, or they're only going to get worse. To _both_ of us."

Lily threw herself on him, crying.

…

On Valentine's Day, after lunch, Severus caught Lily outside the heart-bedecked Great Hall. "No obnoxious, singing, glittery card? What's wrong with Potter? He hasn't publicly proposed to you since Yule."

"His parents were killed last month," Lily said. "Death Eaters. It's changed him."

A pack of Slytherins came around the corner, and Severus joined them with a nod. Lily waved sadly as he walked away.

…

Lily sought Severus out in their old corner of the library. "Sev!" the boy looked up, startled. "You'll never guess what happened! Potter _apologized_ today for harassing me over the last five and a half years."

"Was he joking?"

"No… at least… I don't think so. You know, if he asked me out again now, I'd probably say yes."

"Lily Irene Evans! One apology does _not_ make up for five years of his bullshit." Severus sounded genuinely appalled that she would even consider such a possibility. Mary suspected that there might have been a bit more truth in his "pretend" jealousy than Snape wanted to admit.

"Of course it doesn't, Sev. But he's been practically a different person since January. Anyway, have a look at this!" She passed him a sheaf of notes. "I want to do it at Midsummer. Say you'll take the Dark role?"

"Lily…"

"We can do it in the Room. It'll be fine! Say you will."

Severus sighed. "I never could tell you no."

"Thanks, Sev!" and Lily ran off again. Severus watched her go, then looked at the notes in his hand and blushed furiously.

…

 _"What was it?"_

 _Snape appeared to be slightly flushed as well. He cleared his throat. "It was a point-counterpoint ritual. Lily loved the idea of balance. Midsummer is when the Light is at the height of its power, but it is also a turning point, where the Light begins to cede its strength to the Dark…"_

 _"But what was so embarrassing about it?"_

 _"I would show you, but it's not the sort of thing a professor ought to watch with his underaged student."_

 _It would be hard to say whether Snape or Mary was redder at that point, but she had to clarify. "Are you saying you slept with my mum?"_

 _"In my defense, it was her idea," Snape snapped._

 _"Pro_ fes _sor! You said she was like a sister to you!"_

 _"I came to that conclusion after the ritual," the man said with as much dignity as he could muster._

 _…_

The images sped up again, more like wizarding photos than anything else: Lily in a bikini lying in the sun in the Evans' back garden, Severus sitting in the shade of a tree with a sketchbook and a pencil ( _"I didn't know you were an artist." "I'm not."_ ); Lily babysitting while Severus looked on in horror ( _"I never did like small children."_ ); Lily in a hideous puce bridesmaid's dress, standing next to… ( _"Oh, my god. You went to Aunt Petunia's wedding?" "I was Lily's plus-one."_ ); Lily blowing out the candles on a birthday cake, surrounded by her family, including a much fitter Uncle Vernon and a smiling Severus ( _"Seventeen…"_ ); Lily and Severus demonstrating magic for Mr. and Mrs. Evans, who were clapping like children at the simplest spells. The flood of images dissolved into mist as another scene formed.

…

" _That summer was the last time we were happy together. We could hardly speak at school, even in classes. I still saw her in the halls, but her friends and my… associates kept us apart. I was… relieved, at the time. I thought she would be safe, if she just kept her head down and stayed away from me. She didn't, of course, but I hoped then that she would…_

 _"I was… convinced… to take the Dark Mark the following Midwinter. I couldn't hide it from her."_

 _…_

They were on top of a tower, under a full moon, snow falling softly around them.

Lily was sobbing openly over Severus' left arm. "I – I knew it was c-coming. I – I just d-didn't want-t-to believe it. Sev!"

"I'm sorry, Lily." Snape's face was utterly expressionless: the public face of a Slytherin whose heart was breaking.

"S-so… I guess this is g-goodbye, then?"

"I… I guess it is."

Lily wrapped herself around him as tightly as she could, burying herself in his cloak. They stood there for a long moment, watching the snow fall over the grounds. A wolf howled in the distance. Remus, probably. Finally, Lily pulled herself together and stepped back.

"Goodbye, Severus." She walked away, and did not look back.

"Goodbye, Lily," Severus whispered. He stood in the snow as the memory dissolved.

…

 _"We – we had agreed, long before, that if I ever did take the Mark, if I couldn't avoid it, it would be far too dangerous to continue even our covert friendship. She finally went out with James Potter that spring. I don't know how or why. I was too wrapped up in the Death Eaters and my own mourning. I spent all my time throwing myself into the Dark Arts. I didn't speak to Lily again for six months. We congratulated each other coldly on our graduation day, like strangers. I think that might have been the worst day of my life…"_

 _Mary did not dare to speak, or to look her professor in the eye, but she squeezed his hand again, and held it until he pulled away._

 _"After graduation, I only saw her in battle, on the other side of the field."_

 _…_

The mist solidified into a confused battle-scene, oddly quiet save for the occasional scream or explosion or shout of instruction or taunt. Mary heard Sirius Black's barking laughter, and a mad cackling from the Death Eaters' ranks, but most everyone was serious, grim and focused on their tasks. Severus was standing guard, holding some kind of ward in place, watching the battle unfold before him.

The Dark Lord, a tall figure in black robes, with a mask-white face and glowing red eyes, stood in the center of a stone circle, most of his Death Eaters defending it. Dumbledore and his followers were trying to take it away. A tide of ritual magic was welling up. Mary could feel it, even in the memory, threatening to spill out of the circle. Suddenly, Lily appeared in the circle with Voldemort, holding a book and a _bell_ , of all things, and Voldemort fell back. _("She did something, she had to have. Somehow she twisted the magic back on him. I never knew how.")_ The battle lines collapsed along with the magic. A witch with wild, black curls appeared at the Dark Lord's side and sent a deep red curse at Lily, but Sirius and James came to her rescue. The trio fell back, away from the fighting. Lily took up a healer's position, and then the only clear thing was a pair of men who looked like Percy Weasley, overwhelming Severus, and the scene went black.

…

 _"That was my first real battle. Hers too, I think. It was September, 1978. Mabon."_

 _"Who took you out?"_

 _"The Prewett twins. I was holding the anti-apparition wards in place, as Bellatrix deemed me too junior to be in the thick of things."_

 _"Which one was she?"_

 _"Black hair, laughing like the madwoman she was, trying to crucio Lily."_

 _Mary nodded as the next scene arose from the mist._

 _…_

It was another battle, in the middle of Hogsmeade – she recognized the Three Broomsticks, its windows shattered.

 _"Imbolc, February, 1979," Snape said._

Severus watched Lily healing one of her fallen companions, reversing a particularly gruesome curse. He had a clear shot, but declined to take it, running instead toward the thick of the battle.

 _"I could never bring myself to regret not taking that shot."_

The Light forces were being overwhelmed. They were falling back, retreating up the road toward Hogwarts. Severus looked around, frantically, desperate, Mary suspected, to see Lily Evans among them, sending hexes and mending bones.

There was a sound like thunder, though the sky was clear, and then the Death Eaters were _running_ , because there was a construct or something among them, a female form, striking them down with arrows and javelins, shrugging off magic, killing any Death Eater who stood against her. People were falling and dying all around, and Severus looked up to see Lily, alone, defenseless, out in the street, but bathed in light.

He hid, peeking out the doorway of a ruined shop and watched as the glowing figure, clad in leather and covered in blood, leaning on her spear with a bow and quiver across her back, said something to the girl who dared to summon her on Maiden's Day. Her voice was like the belling of hounds and the crackle of lightning. He collapsed to the floor at the sound of it. But he did not look away, as Lily stood straight in the face of _her_ , and declared herself not a maiden, but her own woman, nonetheless, and a huntress of evil men. She asked the goddess' blessing. And the goddess laughed, and touched her brow.

"You are brash, and young, my child," the Huntress said, "And for this alone you are forgiven your trespass." She vanished, then with another clap of thunder.

Lily collapsed to her knees, panting, and Severus ran to find the other Death Eaters and report.

…

 _"Bellatrix was most upset that the goddess chose to grace Lily instead of smiting her for her insolence," Snape said. "But I could not have been more relieved."_

 _"What did she do?" Mary asked, still in awe._

 _"She called down the moon – the Youthful Power in the Aspect of Artemis. It was a desperate move. She had to have known that the Goddess would challenge her. Artemis is a Virgin Goddess, and Lily was no maid… but she was bold, and fierce, and bowed to neither man nor god, and the Youthful Power smiles brash, naïve potential. And so she won the day."_

 _"Wow."_

 _"Indeed."_

 _…_

The scene shifted, resolving into a small garden party. Lily wore a white sundress and James a leisure suit. Severus, Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy, and a curly-haired, slightly older woman, who had to be Bellatrix, had apparently just arrived, as curls of black smoke solidified into their features.

 _"Your parents were wed on Midsummer of '79," Snape said. "Bellatrix arranged to crash the ceremony. It was a surprise to me. She simply informed me that I was required to accompany her, along with Lucius and her sister, and I went. One did not question the will of Bella Black."_

After Snape mentioned it, Mary could see that it was not just a garden party, but a small wedding ceremony, not at all like Petunia's had been. Lily, James, and the Marauders were there, as well as a few people who had to be Lily's friends, the officiant, and several people Mary recognized from the previous memories. There were no more than sixteen, all in all.

The four Death Eaters arrived just after the marriage was sealed. Bellatrix started sending curses at the happy couple as the others occupied the guests. James was knocked out almost at once, but Lily put up a half-decent defense. She and Bellatrix exchanged spells for several minutes, dancing around each other, Lily's red hair and white dress providing a striking contrast to Bellatrix, all in black. Mary could see that Bellatrix was just playing with Lily. After a few minutes, she apparently grew bored, and disarmed the bride with a few Slicing Curses. She stalked forward threateningly and then… and then… she stole a kiss.

Lily was too stunned to react. She just cocked her head to the side, blood dripping from cuts in her side and her left arm, half her hair singed away, dress burned and mangled, and said "What?"

"Welcome to the family, cousin," Bellatrix replied with a mad grin, and signaled the Death Eaters to take their leave.

…

 _"Wait._ What _?" Mary echoed her mother._

 _"Bellatrix and James Potter were second-cousins, once removed," Snape said._

 _"I know that. But…_ What _?"_

 _"Ah. Bellatrix was, and still is,_ insane _."_

 _"You say that like it's an explanation," Mary accused._

 _Snape shrugged. "It's the only one I ever got, for a lot of things."_

 _…_

The scene shifted again, to Diagon Alley, outside Gringott's.

 _"This is the last time I ever saw Lily," Snape said, somewhat hesitantly. "They called this battle The Diagon Alley Massacre."_

It was, indeed, another battle. It was sunset, and the Death Eaters were killing civilians right and left, acid-green lights flying wildly. Mary didn't see Severus, but she supposed he must have been watching, somewhere. Lily was, again, working with the healers, though there were not many to save. Someone sent a killing curse directly at one of her patients, and she lost it. She stood up straight, ignoring the curses all around her, magic spilling out of her like a heat-haze.

Mary watched, silently, ignoring the rest of the battle, as Lily made a circle around herself with some kind of black fire, and levitated three of the fallen, injured Death Eaters inside it. Several Death Eaters sent spells at her, but no magic crossed the flames. She healed her captives' wounds and brought them back to consciousness one at a time, stunning them when they started to stir.

The black fire of her circle formed itself into runes unlike anything Mary had ever seen, and Lily burned the symbols into her forehead, over her heart, and on the palm of her left hand, wincing as she did so, but not hesitating.

Mary and Snape, and probably Severus, too, were too far away to hear her words, but she looked like she was chanting something. The circle runes began to glow a sickly green, and shot off to make a much, much larger circle, enclosing the entire battlefield.

Bellatrix seemed to know what was happening. She ordered a retreat, but the Dark Lord did not hear her, or ignored her, and then it was too late.

Lily cut her captives' throats, and the runes glowed killing-curse green, limned in silver, so bright it was as though they were cutting through reality itself… and then the dead, _all_ of the dead within the circle, began to rise, following the young woman's commands to hunt them, stop them, kill the Death Eaters. It was a complete rout. Chaos reigned as the dead attacked, and Mary felt a hand on her shoulder.

…

She looked up at her professor, and the scene faded to blackness. The world gave another almighty spinning lurch, and Mary was back in her body, sitting across the desk from Professor Snape. Tears were rolling silently down her face.

"H-how did y-you escape?" she asked, trying to pretend she wasn't crying for the loss of the mother she never got to meet.

"She ordered them to kill the masked ones," Professor Snape said quietly. "I had lost my mask in the fighting, as had many. The dead killed twenty-two Death Eaters that day before Lily's magic gave out and the spell collapsed. After that, the Dark Lord decided that he would no longer attack on the Major Sabbats until Lily Evans was dead, and Bellatrix put out a recruitment order for her… 'Capture my gods-touched mudblood cousin,' she told us, and threatened a month-long death if anyone killed her…" He trailed off, probably thinking of other memories and bad times long past.

"Why?" Mary sniffled, trying to distract herself.

"The best guess Regulus and I could come up with was that she wanted Lily as an apprentice," Snape offered.

Mary shivered at the thought of Lily joining Bellatrix, then stood up and walked slowly around the desk. Snape stood up when she did, so she looked up quietly, into the face of her professor, trying to see the little boy in him, or the teenager who was bullied all his life, or the young man forced to give up his oldest friend to survive his last two years of school, or the young Death Eater, failing to hide his terror in his first battle. His face was thinner, now, and more lined. Harder, though maybe that was expected – he was fifteen years older, now, and he had never had an easy life to begin with.

Snape gave his favorite fourth-year a questioning look, and to his utter astonishment, she hugged him, crying and burying her face in the front of his robes. He petted her hair tentatively, and after a time, she mumbled something.

"What was that?"

Mary pulled back, and, apparently recognizing that she was clinging to _Professor Snape_ , of all people, let go of him and returned to her chair, hugging her knees instead. "Thank you, sir," she repeated herself. "Severus," she added, finally taking advantage of the offer of informality that the Potions Master had made nearly a year and a half before.

"Why?" He looked genuinely confused.

"Because… because so many people knew them. My parents. Professor McGonagall. Sirius. Remus. They fought together. And they're supposed to care about me. But none of them even really ever told me stories about them. They say that Lily was brilliant at Charms, and I have her eyes, and they fought bravely, and died to save me… but… They would never have thought to show me… I – I know it must have been hard for you, too, watching… so… thank you."

Snape gave her a strange, sad smile. "You're quite welcome," he said softly, and then added in a much more normal tone. "I couldn't let Lily Evans' daughter think of her mother only as some pitiful creature, begging the Dark Lord for mercy, could I?"

"No, sir." Mary's smile felt somewhat wobbly on her face.

They sat a while longer, thinking their own thoughts, until Snape cleared his throat. "It is late, Miss Potter. You must return to your dormitory. Practice clearing your mind of all thought and emotion. We will meet again in two weeks to continue with your study of Occlumency, and I _will_ know if you have neglected to practice."

Mary stood quickly, wiping her face. She recognized a dismissal when she heard one. "Yes, sir. Thank you, sir."

She looked back as she opened the door, and she thought she saw a tear on his cheek. It was probably just a trick of the light. Even when showing his dead best friend's daughter his worst memories, Severus Snape didn't _cry_.


End file.
